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About Literature / Hobbyist KatFemale/United States Group :icontourturedsoul-truth: TourturedSoul-Truth
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Who's to Blame for the Rain?
There’s a storm brewing
From behind my eyes
And when the rain comes,
I hope it washes me anew.
Poetic words cannot save my soul
And I cannot be won over by a sad look
I have to learn to ignore your hurt
And be concerned with me for once
For once.
It isn’t easy to be picked over,
Cast aside every time
Even if it isn’t your fault
And I wonder if it’s my fault
But I can’t think about this anymore.
It isn’t fair to me or you.
I’m stuck here.
I’m still stuck
Through the tears and the laughter
I’ve found it impossible to forget.
Impossible to run
No matter how hard I try
There’s a storm brewing
From behind my eyes
And when the rain comes
I pray it washes me of
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 2 0
Idle conversations flutter
Our little birdsongs
To pass the time
I sneak a carefully worded question in there
Even though I know what to expect
The truth always comes out
And I begin to crack
I try my best never to spill my emotions
But even my flood gates break
And I would never tell you how
Close I want to be with you
Lips on lips in a stolen moment
And I need not tell you
The longing of my heart
Because you know the truth
Even if I do turn away
I’ll admit my biggest secret
Is no secret to you
Yet you still are unaware of
How badly I want to run away
So you pull me back
And I don’t want to go
But as long as we continue this,
Though it is nothing,
My life will be
Envy and pain
Wrapped into one;
My quiet birdsong
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 3 0
This is just nothing
And though it has the ability to become something
It never will
Because I’m not yours
And you’re not mine
It doesn’t matter if I offer you
The world, if I promise that you are my haven,
If I swear to stay by your side
If I promise to never let you go
My feelings are nothing.
I’ll never say my thoughts, nor will I
Ever tell you that those silly love songs
Have me staring at you. No, I’ll just smile
And sing along, looking towards but dreading
My swan song
Because you see
Love has no business here
It isn’t real, it’s not happening
No amount of desire could ever hope to change that
So I’ll stick to sharing smiles
And taking stolen glances, having
Buried feelings and trying to be happy
With our nothing
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 5 7
Our Life
To me
Love was the best thing
And then it ended
I understand that there’s a
Reason for just about everything
So I accepted it after a while
And moved on
Still I found myself willing to
Find it again
It seems I’m there once more
It’s not love, but
Something close, something
A lot scarier
Something wild,
A splash of colors invading a blank page
I tried to control it
I tried to suppress it.
But it won’t let me
I said I wanted to fall again
But I didn’t want to drown in something
So unreal
Because I’m not what you wanted
And I can’t give you what you need
I’m just here
Fading into the background
Until you can’t see me
I don’t know which is worse
Having you remind me over
And over of why you
Are just so perfect
Or when you ignore me
And I feel like you’re so intangible
Even though you’re only a phone call away
Yeah, that hurts.
I never want to say goodbye
But I’ll never be who you want
So this is our life
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 8 7
It’s easy to forgive, but so much harder to forget.
Lately I’ve been wondering if I was
Overly attached to you. I know I never
Visualized an end, never thought tears would rain down from my
Eyes, nor the pain as everything stopped and we
Drifted apart, though maybe it was for the best.
You can go on, but
Our memories will haunt me
Until I find someone to make me forget
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 6 3
It Happened on a Monday
It happened on a Monday. It was late and I couldn’t sleep. The moon had joined me in my struggle, illuminating my room with white light. Time kept fleeting and my eyes eventually began to grow heavier and heavier until I couldn’t keep them open. My thoughts began to quiet as my breathing fell into an even rhythm.
And then I was floating.
The sky was a clear blue, an ocean above me. I closed my eyes and smiled, taking in a deep breath and continuing to float. I was calm, and I wasn’t thinking. It was the most peace I have had in a long time.
My eyes flew open and I grinned instantly, recognizing the voice. I flipped myself over and saw him running below me. He, too, was grinning, and out of breath. I giggled at him and floated down.
I reached his outstretched arms and began to cling to him. This time it was his turn to giggle, as he spun me gently around. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that feeling; it was like I was the Earth, solid and
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 5 6
The Mirror
On the outside I'm reflective
Just a plain little mirror to see yourself in
I seem like nothing more,
Nothing less
I send back the light
And I let the horrors die away
Being caught,
Locked up forever in my eyes
But the glass is beginning to crack
And the darkness is spilling through.
I'm doing my best
Trying to hold it all in
But you all make it hard
Everyday you give me new horrors
And new excuses to try
Yeah, you all tell me a lot of things
[But not a single one of you
Dare to explain why.]

I'm loosing my hold on the world
The mirror's not letting things slide
[Please, understand
I'm trying here]

Your smiles aren't as bright
My eyes are showing the truth
[Please, I'm trying
Why are you all making this so hard?
Please, look at what you're doing to yourselves

You all promise to be better
So I continue holding on
Waiting to see if there's hope
Some sort of glue to piece your image
Back together
Something to make my prayers feel
Like they're more than a wi
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 4 0
My Neighbor's House
When I was younger, about nineteen or twenty, a woman moved in next door. She was about my age, with long blonde hair and a bright face. She smiled when I came over to introduce myself, a smile of pure joy, as if no one else had shown her this kindness.
I never really got to know her; I lived a busy life. I'd leave for work before the sun and get back at dusk. Every once in a while I'd see her tending to her garden, or sitting on her porch with a book in hand. I'd smile and wave, and then be on my way.
By the time I was twenty-four, my work life slowed down just enough for me to find love. His name was James, and he loved me dearly. We planned to get married in September of the next year, and I made sure to invite my neighbor.
I knocked on her door to give her the invitation and was shocked. Her hair was limp and dingy and her face gaunt. She gave me a warm smile though, and accepted the invitation. When the wedding came, she spent most of her time sitting at her table sipping water al
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 2 3
Where am I?
What's this place?
I can't tell up from down anymore
The wind's rushing around
Trying to drag me down
Into the stream
So I can be overcome by the current
If I can't wake up on my own
If I can't find my way back home
If I swear this is all just a dream
If you think I'm being ripped apart by the seams,
Just leave me alone
I'll leave bread crumbs for you
To try and find me
But I can't promise that I'll come easy
I hear all these voices around
I can hear the steady rhythm of the
Hummingbird's song
And it's these moments I cling to
In exchange for something that's not mine
If I can't wake up on my own
If I can't find my way back home
If I swear this is all just a dream
If you think I'm being ripped apart by the seams,
Just leave me alone
I find myself silently wishing, begging
That you won't follow my words
That your path will divide from mine
And then, written in red ink,
Is the pleading of my heart for you to stay
For your calling to be for me
Even though I know it'll never be
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 0 0
Hiding in the Dark
There's always been a constant fight
Between right and wrong
And you stand up on your pedestal
Throwing in your two cents
While the rest of us lowly beings on the ground
Grow quiet and bow our heads
You take it as an agreement
And stand a little taller
Smile a litter bigger
Pretend you're a little better
Than the rest of us here
You flaunt yourself like a prize possession
And act like you're the greatest being
That has ever graced our presence
"Beauty," you say, with a coy smile
"Is something worth fighting for;
And I'll tell you when you get there,"
How pathetic of us to listen.
We can't always decide if you are a monster or
Pure mayhem, but we know you're not a hero
Like you pretend to be
And when we mess up
When we prove we are human
You stand there judging us
We bleed with each word
And you just don't care
You don't give up,
You never back down,
Always a constant force in our lives
In our world and we can do nothing
To save ourselves
We can do nothing to break free
We just accept t
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 2 0
And They Wonder Why I Worry
He was talking in his sleep
Saying that he was scared
For today, tomorrow.
It didn't much mater to him.
When he woke his voice was shaking.
He was struggling,
Even I could tell you that.
I tried to reason with him but it was too late
He was too far gone
And unwilling to return
Lost in his own abuse
I asked him, begged him
Pleaded that he wouldn't disappear.
I didn't want to lose another
To one's own dark side.
I told him that
Sometimes weakness was
A sign of strength,
But he couldn't believe me.
Could you, faced with
An unbearable truth?
Could you, faced with
Your own fears?
I didn't think so.
But then again,
Neither could I.
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 4 0
The Box
They sit in a old shoe box on the shelf in my closet. Little dolls, all representing those who have hurt me. I did my best to pick each one out correctly, so that they match their personalities. I get an odd sense of revenge as I stare at their painted faces, as I see them trapped in their box.
Some nights, when the moon is bright and my mind is busy, I get out of my bed and open my closet. They're in there, whispering the words they used to shout at me, to try and break me. Their words did shake me, so I always grab the box and shake it with all my might. When I feel better, I slide the box back into its spot and the dolls become quiet. I sleep then.
And on the days when I feel lonely, pacing around the worn floors of this small cottage, I put down my book or my tea and I go back to the box. I take them out one by one and place them around—far enough so that they wouldn't be able to find each other. I'll leave then, and stay out for as long as possible, just so they think they'll neve
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 1 0
Red hot with bitterness
Slip down my face
Like they were friends
Telling secrets
Frequently enough so that
I would know
And I can hear the
Days shattering
And I can see the light
Leaving my eyes
And it burns like a bare foot
On pavement directly in
The summer's sun.
And I can feel the coldness
Wrapping me up,
Trying to calm me down
But I shake it off
Even though I'm not sure how I
Can do this by myself
If I can even hope to do this by myself
And I've decided what I need is a hero
But I'm not to sure one will come for me
So I stand shaking
Body aching
Reach my hand to my face and
Wipe away my own
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 2 10
.:Remember:. by TearMeApartIDontCare .:Remember:. :icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 3 0
Please Excuse the Girl Behind the Smile
I'm just a wreck.
A girl that's falling to pieces
With hope for tomorrow
Raining down from the tears in my eyes
Who I am will not suffer
And what I can be I still will be in time.
When all is said and done,
I'll have had enough.
And everything that I've wished for
And everything that I've needed
Will be mine
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 4 3
Forever is Such a Pretty Lie
You can do your best to block me out
Forget the past, the good memories.
The times of laughter and
Our shared tears.
You can forget my name,
My face, who I am
What I've done or haven't done
What you won't give me the chance to do
You can block me out
Tell others that I am the bad guy
That I tried to hurt you
And make them believe it.
I'll keep all the secrets
The good deeds we've unselfishly done for each other
The times you called me, frustrated or upset
And I listened, to try and help
I'll remember the goodbye you refuse to let me say
The way my lip trembled when I tried to figure out
What happened to make you do this
The way the tears stung at my eyes.
I'll go along with this idea willingly,
Though I'm not sure how a friend can stop a
Friendship that we both treasured
In such a way.
Until I move past this,
Whenever that may be,
I'll keep my mind busy
I'd rather not think too much
About what makes people walk away
Trying to see if it's something I can fix
Or if it will drag me
:icontearmeapartidontcare:TearMeApartIDontCare 4 8


Will you be my home?
Will you be my home
My gentle security?
Will you lift me away
With the caress of your arms
Warm me wholly
With the slighest brush
Of your lips?
Will you be my shelter
Even from my own tears?
Will you let me take you for granted
Let me wrap you around me
And rock me to my dreams?
Will you hide me away
Be the place of my safety
Be my happiness
Sheilded from a world of sadness,
Will you be my home,
My gentle security
Silently filling my life with love?
:iconcrumbledwings:CrumbledWings 110 18
Disney Queens by kevinbolk Disney Queens :iconkevinbolk:kevinbolk 8,737 2,073 Sketch, Page 305 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 305 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 1 Sketch, Page 300 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 300 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 2 2 Sketch, Page 299 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 299 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 2 Sketch, Page 297 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 297 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 4 Sketch, Page 296 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 296 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 0
i must have ripped
a million petals from
thousands of flowers
to see if you'd come back
when you didn't
i shoved them
as far down
the garbage disposal
would allow
:iconhushed-lullabies:hushed-lullabies 27 15
Sketch, Page 295 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 295 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 6 Sketch, Page 294 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 294 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 2
They'll Never Know
Secrets consume my mind
Quite a few remain a mystery
And a handful some know
But there's one
One little secret
That I'm planning on taking
With me to the grave
A secret not even one year old
Dwelling in darkest parts
Of my godforsaken mind
This secret is the source
The roots
And the foundation
My trauma built and grew upon
No one will ever know
What exactly happened
On that August day
I can assure you
That I want to forget about it
More than anything
But hey, we don't always get what we want
As much as I want
To tell someone
Who would listen?
My friends?
I'm sorry, but you're sadly mistaken
They're the last people
Who I would ever want to know
Because on that day
I showed a terrible weakness
One that would make my friends
Look at me in a different light
So they'll never know
And I'm better off
Keeping quiet
:iconsamsamsammysam66:samsamsammysam66 24 29
Sketch , Page 290 by Censor-Man Sketch , Page 290 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 2 0 Sketch, Page 289 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 289 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 0
The wedding poem
A sister, a safe place
Bruised knees, so small
you lift me up and take me in
For me this little trip is a huge fall
With eyes crying so hard
I turn up to see your serious face 
As you carry me over the yard
I know you understand what kind of a big deal this is for me
So I don't worry
You're my sister, my safe place
In my heart is where you'll always be
A sisters man, my friend
When home becomes a lonely place
He knows what it's like, to have to endure the fights
He see the signs written on my face
He's been there, he's done that
When finding the words get tough
He takes the time, he makes them see
You're my sisters man, my friend
In my heart is where you'll always be
And those two will always be there, for each other
She will scream out the words he wont even whisper
He will be the only one to calm her
Telling her about her fine fine luster
When his days have turned far too blue
She will pull him together, and light up his world
Making it shine bright, so true
He is the part
:iconaifos96:Aifos96 13 32
Sketch, Page 287 by Censor-Man Sketch, Page 287 :iconcensor-man:Censor-Man 1 0
Two Souls Divided Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
Sometimes, I wished things were different. I clenched my jaw as I smoothed out the wrinkles in my robes.  The first man I had ever kissed, was now dead. I can imagine, it was because he was not as discrete as he thought. His tragic flaw, thinking he was better than everyone else.
I envied his death, in some fashion. Death was the easy way out of this living hell. I composed myself as we get off the train, and I caught a glance at my sister.
Seren had an engagement ring around her left ring finger. From, I can only assume, Fred. How romantic? The love of her life proposed to her in the snow fall, while the first person I had been able to connect to is dead.
In spite of this fact, I would be happy for her, if I still had a heart.
I did not take as many classes as the rest of the student population, due to my advanced marks on both my O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S. However it left a lot of time to wonder the building I had called home from many years.
Many of the
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[ ] You have a hardy nature
[ ] You're a born leader. 
[x] You're a charmer
[ ] You have a great singing voice 
[ ] You love reptiles 
Total: 1

[ ] You have a jolly nature 
[x] You are kind 
[ ] You love all animals
[x] You can keep a beat 
[ ] You are true gentleman/lady. 
Total: 2

[x] You can be hot-headed 
[/] You are short tempered [Sometimes!]
[/] You go into a rage when you're mad. 
[ ] You hate going swimming 
[ ] You're the bad boy/girl type 
Total: 2

[x] You love to swim. 
[ ] You have a lax nature
[x] You are a strong swimmer.
[x] You like soft jazz music
[ ] You can dance 
Total: 3

[/] You can take a hit or two.
[ ] You like shiny things. 
[ ] You love/loved gems/metals. 
[ ] You have a bold nature
[ ] You have super hard bones
Total: .5

[x] Your head is always in the clouds 
[ ] You have a hasty nature
[ ] You love flying.
[ ] You can be intimidating for your size
[ ] You always feel like you are flying
Total: 1

[x] You love to play mind games with people. 
[x] You don't like to fight. 
[/] You have a docile nature [I take charge when I need to.]
[x] You love to play games 
[x] You often run away from things 
Total: 4.5

[ ] You are strong 
[ ] You are vain
[x] You don't give up so easy 
[ ] You love to fight 
[ ] You have a bold nature
Total: 1

[ ] You love the shadows. 
[x] You don't get out much. 
[x] You have a bashful nature. 
[x] You like to scare people 
[x] You love scary movies/shows.
Total: 4

[ ] You are a lone wolf 
[ ] You have an impish nature. 
[/] You're not a social person. [I like to socialize...With certain people.]
[ ] You don't get along with people 
[ ] You listen to heavy music like metal or hard rock 
Total: .5

[ ] You know a lot of things 
[/] You have a naive nature
[ ] You stand out easily 
[/] You love all music
[x] You can do anything if you put your mind to it 
Total: 2

[ ] You have a relaxed nature
[ ] You love bugs 
[x] You love country music 
[ ] You can play a stringed instrument 
[/] You're peaceful 
Total:  1.5

[/] You have a serious nature
[ ] You can play a drum like instrument
[x] You're hard headed
[ ] You're big
[/] You have/had a solid relationship
Total: 2

[ ] You have a cold heart
[ ] You love cold weather
[x] You love cold food/drinks 
[ ] You've broken someone's heart
[x] Someone has broken your heart
Total:  2

[ ] You have a rash nature. 
[ ] You kill things a lot 
[ ] You don't listen to that much music 
[ ] You don't have good plans or strategies 
[/] You often hide in the shadows
Total: .5

I guess I'm a psychic type!
  • Listening to: Wanted - Hunter Hayes


Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
My name's Kat, and I'm a writer.

I'm a lover, not a fighter, but fuck with me or my friends, I won't have a problem cussing you out. I go through times of anger, sorrow, and happiness, but maybe it's part of being a teenager, right? Wrong.

All and all, I'm here if you need me. For real. I will talk you through anything, and, if I feel that I can't help, I will tell you someone who can. But I do care. I will always care.

Take care now, and smile, just for me?

Favourite genre of music: Any type ;)
Favourite style of art: Anime/poetry
MP3 player of choice: Ipod.
Favourite cartoon character: Tommy Pickles from Rugrats
Personal Quote: "Stab a knife though my dreams and tear me a part. I don't care anymore."


Add a Comment:
Censor-Man Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
How have you been since I kind of vanished?
TearMeApartIDontCare Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I have also vanished, but I've been okay. You?
Censor-Man Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Pretty good, but busy. Getting a house, a job, being an adult. Eugh. 
TearMeApartIDontCare Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow! that sounds great though. I'm not on that level of adult quite yet.
(1 Reply)
MorganWolfram Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the fav :D
TearMeApartIDontCare Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
MorganWolfram Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student Writer
malphasloveshisfries Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much for the fave. :3 :heart:
TearMeApartIDontCare Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
malphasloveshisfries Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Student Writer
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